Eragon's life as a parody
by LittleLonnie
Summary: I joke around with the happenings, characters and lines from both books and movie! No bashing of neither! Just fun sucky title :P
1. Chapter 1 Nudity

**Title:** Eragon Parody

**Author:** LoNnI

**Rating:** PG

**Genre:** Humor

**Disclaimer:** Everything in Eragon belongs to Christopher Paolini

**Characters:** Eragon, Arya, Brom, Murtagh, Saphira, Durza etc...

**Note:** Based on both book and movie. I actually love both movie and book, but parodies and humor is always fun! The story wont have any straight timeline and will jump a bit back and forth.

**Summary: **What happeneds when Lonnie get to joke around with the words and characters?

This is just a nonsense story based on my crazy ideas. I thought some of the ideas sounded fun in my head, but that's not always the case when it comes to writing it down XD I'll just post and see what you think lol. No bashing the movie or book, no flames and just lovin'! lol Okay maybe not, but... behave please! lol

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Nudity **

**Part 1/2**

Set: On a boat near Carvahall after Saphira had flewn off with Eragon on the back. Then to return to the farm to find uncle Garrow half dead.

Eragon - Where am I?

Gerterud - On a boat

Eragon - Why?

Gerterud - Because you're hurt and there's no room for you elsewhere

Eragon - Who are you?

Gerterud - The healer or whatever they say I am... You know who I am!

Eragon - _Oh my god! I'm naked! I'm naked! And my ties are bound! That means she has seen me naked!! I have to marry Gertrud now!_

Saphira - _Why?_

Eragon - _Just something Roran told me when I was younger..._

Saphira - _Tell..._

Eragon - _It's a long story..._

Saphira - _TELL!_

_Goes seven years back in time. Eragon is eight years old while Roran is eleven._

Eragon - RORAN!!!!_ (loud crying through the forest)_

Roran - ERAGON!!! What is it? _(the elderly of those two comes running to a lake near their farm)_

Eragon - Naked men!! Sloan! Horst! Uncle!! _(Points at Carvahalls men bathing in the lake)_

Roran - Oh dear... it's time to tell you then

Eragon - Tell me what?

Roran - You have to promise me that you will do as I say!

Eragon - Why?

Roran - Because my words is your law. You will not grow to be an old man if you don't do so!

Eragon - Yes, my lord

Roran - Good. The thing is. Everytime you see a person naked - man or woman - old or young - you have to marry him or her!

Eragon - Why?  
Roran - Because my words is your law, I told you!

Eragon - Okay...

_(Silence...)_

Eragon - Roran?

Roran - Yes?

Eragon - Do I have to marry uncle? And Horst? And ... gross... Sloan?

Roran - _(thinking)_ No. But from this day on you will have to be careful. Six is the age you have to be to get these news!

Eragon - I'm eight..

Roran - Of course you are...

_Present day..._

Saphira - _Was that supposed to be a long story?_

Eragon - ...

Saphira - _You humans have weird traditions...

* * *

_

**Part 2/2**

Set: Eragon confronts Murtagh when they're getting closer to the Varden.

Murtagh - Look! _(Pulls off his tunic)_ This was the only thing he ever gave me!

Eragon - NOOOOOO!!

Murtagh - Yes, it's sad I know...

Eragon - Noooooooooo not that!

Murtagh - Oh... nice...

Eragon - You're naked! Now I have to marry you!

Murtagh - Do you know what naked means?

Saphira - He is so pure and innocent that a forehead is nudity to him

Eragon - If I see a naked person, I have to marry him or her!

Murtagh - I'M NOT NAKED!

Eragon - YOUR SHIRT IS OFF!

Murtagh - THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NAKED!!! I still got pants on you kno'...

Eragon - But... but... chest... still flashing up the place!

Murtagh - Geez... sorry! _(puts shirt back on)_ Ain't my fault the sun always flies away from me!

Saphira - This is stupid...

Murtagh - _(Looks at Saphira, then at Eragon, then at Saphira again and then back at Eragon and then at Saphira and then at Eragon and then at Saphira and then at Eragon again)_ Why haven't you married Saphira yet then? She's naked!

Eragon - OH NO!! I can't marry a dragon!

Saphira - I'M NOT NAKED!!! I GOT SCALES!!!

Murtagh - Who told you that you had to marry every naked person?

Eragon - My lord

Murtagh - Who?

Eragon - My lord!

Murtagh - WHO is your lord?

Eragon - RORAN!

Murtagh - WHO IS RORAN?

Eragon - MY LORD!

Murtagh - Oh dear...

Eragon - NO! I am not your dear! We're not married yet! Roran is my cousin!

Murtagh - Ah... that explains it all...

Eragon - what?

Murtagh - Ah nuthin'

Eragon - Tell me!

Murtagh - Neh

Eragon - Common!

Murtagh - The khul is coming you kno'! They should have been over us a long time ago already...


	2. Chapter 2 The secrets of the frogtoads

**Thanks folks! Glad you liked it! I know I got a strange mind, but that's always fun! XD

* * *

**

**Chapter 2 - The secrets of the frogtoads...**

**Part 1/2**

Set: From the book. Eragon and Brom has arrived at Teirm and is looking for Jeod when they meet on the witch Angela and her toad/frog:

Brom - Which house is Jeods? And why in the name of the king are you holding a frog?

Angela - Jeod is in there _(Points into her store)_

Brom - What is he doing in there?

Angela - Don't poke your nose into other people's business

Brom - Business?  
Angela - You want me to answer your first questions or not?

Brom - Oh... go ahead

Angela - The frog is not a frog, he's actually a toad

Eragon - I have heard that frogs tastes like chickens

Brom - Where have you heard that from?  
Eragon - Roran told me. His words is my law

Frog/toad - R-r-r-rabbit

All - ...

Eragon - Maybe they taste like rabbits!

Brom - Anywho - how do you know it's a toad?

Angela - That's what I'm going to find out. Frogs don't really exist

Eragon - Strange how you're holding on right now. Maybe that one tastes like chicken or rabbit...

Angela - Stop it! Toadie is not food! And frogs doesn't taste like chickens nor rabbits. Toads do!

Eragon - But I thought you just said frogs doesn't exist!

Angela - They don't! That's why the toad doesn't taste like a chickenrabbit

Eragon - How can you say that if you never tasted frogs?

Angela - No wonder great battles rages around you...

Toadie - _(Croaks)_

All - ...

Eragon - Who's Toadie?

Angela - _(Jumps up and throws the chickenrabbit tasting frog/toad named Toadie at Eragon)

* * *

_

**Part 2/2**

Set: Random traveling to the Varden with Murtagh

Murtagh - Why are you carrying a toad on your head?

Eragon - It's a frog!

Murtagh - How do you know?

Eragon - Because a bloody witch said it was a toad

Murtagh - Why are you saying it's a frog then?

Eragon - Because it taste like chicken/rabbit

Murtagh - How would you know? The toad is still alive

Eragon - Frog

Murtagh - Whatever... Answer my question

Eragon - Just lick it across the back

Murtagh - Eww!

Eragon - Got any better idea?

Murtagh - To what?

Eragon - To find out what it tastes like!

Murtagh - Yes

Eragon - What?

Murtagh - Everything but lick it. I trust your words at it...

Saphira - _Let me taste it! (snatches the frog/toad with her long, white fangs)_

Eragon - NO!! TOADIE!!

Murtagh - You named the toad TOADIE?

Eragon - FROG!

Saphira - _Mmm it tastes more like a donkey_

Eragon & Murtagh - ...

Tornac & Snowfire -

Murtagh - Tornac... stay away from that dragon

Tornac - _I'm not a donkey!_

Murtagh - Donkey - horse... same thing!

Saphira - _(Licks her "lips")_

Tornac - _Yeah okay..._

_(Three minutes later - A small rock is placed by a lake with words written out of the stone: "In loving memory of the chicken/rabbit tasting frog/toad Toadie. Rest in Peace". Eragon walks over to Saphira with tears running down his face)_

Eragon - Spit out

Saphira - _Okay (spits out a frog/toad leg)_

Eragon - OH TOADIE!

Murtagh - Chill it man, it's just a toad

Eragon - FROG!!

Murtagh - Why didn't you call it Froggie then...?

Eragon - ...

Murtagh - Doesn't really matter now that it's totally fried

Eragon - _(Wails in dispair)_


	3. Chapter 3 Secret Meeting

**Chapter 3 - Secret meeting**

**Part 1/2**

Set: Movie verse - Arya is hurt and Saphira goes to catch our little thrill-seeker  
Saphira - _Someone's coming_  
Eragon - I need you to show me where I can find Varden.  
Arya - Why? Murtagh says he knows the way...  
Murtagh - _(in the background a girly scream is heard) _IT TICKLES!!!!  
Eragon - How do you know?  
Arya - I'm an elf  
Eragon - That doesn't mean your sight-kick  
Murtagh - _(Still in the background but closer) _Ahhhh hahahahahahaha  
Saphira - _Tickle a' belly_  
Arya - Yes is does  
Eragon - Not according to Christopher Paolini!  
Arya - Well he isn't here!!!  
_(Saphira drops Murtagh to the ground)_  
Murtagh - Ahhhhh it still tickles!! _(rolls around laughing)_  
Eragon - Who are you? And why are you following us?  
Murtagh - Ahahahahahahahaha  
Eragon - Stand up!

Murtagh - All my life I dreamed of being thrown around by dragons!

Eragon - Who are you? And why are you following us?  
Murtagh - My name-tag says "Muuuurtagh" so I suppose that's my name

Eragon - Why do you have a name-tag?  
Murtagh - Ah nothing. Just came from a secret meeting _(pulls out a skin filled with wine)_

Eragon - Okay, but why did you risk your life for us?

Murtagh - Meh, got nothing better to do really

Eragon - Anything else I should know of?

Murtagh - Well... You're not supposed to know yet, but I am the son of Morzan the foresworn and I was raised by the evil King Galbatorix. Galby wanted me to work for him, but I refused to so I ran away to this secret meeting. I also got a scar that my dad gave me when I was three and it's really cool! It even change location from my back to my side! Wanna see?

_(Lifts up his tunic)_

Eragon - Wow! That is sooo cool dude! Great come along, Samwise!

Saphira - _Uhm... aren't you going to marry him now? _

Eragon - _Why?_

Saphira - _... nuthin'..._

Murtagh - Samwise?

Eragon - Muuuurtagh...

Murtagh - Ah... cool! Thanks! Have some wine!

* * *

**Part 2/2 **

Set: Eragon, Murtagh, Saphira and Arya arrives at the Varden.

Twins - Now we have to inspect you minds

Eragon - Who are you?

Twin 1 - I'm Twin 1

Twin 2 - And I'm twin 2

Eragon - I kinda gussed that

Murtagh - Congrats...

Eragon - Wait a minute... Inspect our minds? Why?  
Murtagh - Na-ha! Never! No way! Get lost! My mind is my only... the only... uhm... just stay away, okay?

Twin 2 - Uhm... Okay lets take the rider because he looks less of a challenge

Eragon - Eeey!

Murtagh - Psst! Eragon! _(Whispers in Eragon ear) _Look at the twins. They're ultra-bald!

Eragon - NOOO!! I wont marry you! It's enough that I have to marry Murtagh and half of Carvahall!

Twins - Huh?

_(The twins slaps Eragon and places their fists onto his forehead)_

Twin 1 - Oh my god what the hell is this! You dirty boy! Staring at naked, old men!

Twin 2 - Ohh what a nice elf

Twin 1 - Switching scar... secret meeting... wine

Twin 2 - Ey! Let's have some wine!

_(Breaks off the mind reading and takes the newcomers up to Ajihad and King Hrothgar)_

Hrotghar - Holy crap! It's the son of Morzan! _(Points at Murtagh with his staff)_

Eragon - WHAT!! You're son of the foresworn???

Murtagh - What the hell... I already told you!

Eragon - Oh my god you're evil! Lock him up!

Murtagh - Why you little piece of nudity-freak!

_(Murtagh attacks Eragon and lifts him off the ground like gorilla. He then spin around with Eragon in the air)_

Aijhad - Set him down!

Murtagh - Never!

Hrothgar - Set him down!

Murtagh - NeVeR!

Twin 1 - Set him down!

Murtagh - Say the magic word!!

Eragon - _(Cries)_ Mellon?

Murtagh - Wtf?

Twin 2 - Set him down!

Murtagh - For the love of - NO!!

Nasuada - Set him down PLEASE

Murtagh - Okay

_(Sets Eragon down and slaps him across the face)_

Eragon - Oh... that magic word!

Murtagh - Moron!

Eragon - Got some wine?

* * *

**Thanks for the comments XD**


	4. Chapter 4 Friendship? What's that?

**Ah yeah, Mellon is from LOTR yes (elvish means friend)

* * *

**

**Chapter 4 - Friendship? What's that?**

**Part 1/2**

Set: In the book when Eragon run around all over the Varden, but not to meet Murtagh.

Nasuada - Hey there, rider

Eragon - _(Puts a hand in front of his eyes) _Who are you?  
Murtagh - Nasuada, daughter of Ajihad

Eragon - Are you naked?

Nasuada - _(With a sexy voice)_ Oh of course not

Eragon - _(Removes his hand and turns around)_ YOU ARE NAKED!

Nasuada - Yes I am tiger! _(Purrs)_ You like it?  
Eragon - Must - resist - temptations... No! I don't like it! I wont betray Murtagh when I am to marry him! I bet this is some sort of test he's doing on me!

Nasuada - You are like so NOT going to marry him

Eragon - Oh yeah? Why is that?  
Nasuada - Because he doesn't even like you and least of all now that you put him alone in a cell without visiting him.

Eragon - Oh... _(Clicks his heels three times and suddenly he's in the cell)_

Murtagh - Hey punk. About fucking time!

Eragon - Yeah. I saw Nasuada naked!

Murtagh - So?

Eragon - Just thought you wanted to know

Murtagh - Why?

Eragon - I dunno...

Murtagh - _(Sarcastic voice) _Well lucky you then. One more to marry!

Eragon - Actually I'm not sure about that - she looks like a half melted chocolate covered easter bunny!

Murtagh - Oh really? Bet you're curious about her dad then

* * *

**Part 2/2**

Set: Battle of Farthen Dur

Ajihad - TO WAR!!!

Murtagh - Why is he yelling that? We have already been fighting for twenty minutes now!

_(Murtagh grabs an urgal by the horns and spin around and around and around before letting go - accidently letting the urgal fly across the field and right into Eragon and Saphira)_

Murtagh - Sorry 'bout that chap'!

Saphira - _Son of a )()/&/"&#(/")"(_

Eragon - What the hell was the point of that!

Murtagh - Uuuuh pretty boy using dirty words

Eragon - You want a piece of me?? Huh? Huh??

Murtagh - Bring it!

_(Eragon screams and runs towards Murtagh on Tornac. Just when he's about the jump over Tornac and push Murtagh off, Arya takes hold of his foot so he goes head first into the horse' stirrups)_

Arya - That's for not seeing me naked!

Eragon - Why is everyone so mean!

Murtagh - Because you still think you have to marry every naked people

Eragon - _(Dries tears)_ What's that supposed to mean?  
Murtagh - It means that your lord Roran lied to you just to make a fool out of you

Eragon - ...

Arya - Makes sense

Eragon - RORAN IS MY LORD, NOT YOU!!

Murtagh - Thank lord

Hrothgar - Guys! Keep you mind in the fight!!

_(Murtagh grabs Eragon and Arya and pulls them onto Tornac - the horse making a growling sound a horse shouldn't be able to make)_

Ajihad - TO WAR!!!

Eragon, Murtagh and Arya - ...

Saphira - He's getting old...


	5. Chapter 5 Movie and Book fun

I actually loved the movie, but I do agree with the fact that the script could have been so much better! Although there is lines and parts of the movie I actually like, but do make fun of too XD

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Movie and book fun**

**Part 1/5**

Set: When Eragon wakes up and thinks Saphira is dead.

Eragon - _(Wakes up and groans)_ Uhh... oooh... mmm... uuuh

_(He looks at Murtagh and then around to see if he can see Saphira)_

Eragon - Saphira?  
Murtagh - Who?  
Eragon - Uhm... Saphira? Where is she?  
Murtagh - Who's Saphira?

Eragon - My dragon!

Murtagh - DRAGON?? WHERE??

Eragon - You're scaring me...

_(Silence...)_

Murtagh - Heh sorry! Just joking

Eragon - Where is she??  
Murtagh - Saphira? Oh she's gone

Eragon - Wha-at?

Murtagh - Gone... as in "Poof" gone with the wind

Eragon - NOOOO! SAPHIRA!!!

Saphira - _Yeah? (Comes flying into the cave)_

Eragon - What the'...

Murtagh - Told you she was gone with the wind!

Eragon - Saphira! I didn't believe I could do it!  
Saphira - _Why did you do it then, idiot?_

Eragon - ... And Arya?  
Murtagh - She's gone

Eragon - Wha-at?  
Murtagh - G-O-N-E

Eragon - Noooo! Oh no! The love of my life!!! Why did she have to go!! _(Cries hysterical)_

Murtagh - She said she had to warn her people in Ellesmera or something

Eragon - ... I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!

* * *

**Part 2/5**

Set: Short one when Saphira returns after Eragon thought she was dead.

Eragon - Saphira! I didn't think I could do it!

Saphira - _You shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did_

Eragon - Wasn't it an old, wise man who once said, "One part brave, three parts fool"?

Murtagh - Eeey! I'm not that old! And I haven't said that! Stop making up things!

Eragon - ... I'm not talking about you...

Murtagh - But you said wise man... _(Sniffles)

* * *

_

**Part 3/5**

Set: When Eragon and Saphira catches up with Arya in the end.

Arya - I must return to my people in Ellesmera...

Eragon - According to Christopher Paolini - you're supposed to stay in the Varden and THEN leave WITH me and some Orik dude.

Arya - According to Chirstopher Paolini, I'm supposed to be rejecting you over and over again - So watch it, dear little nudist-lover.

* * *

**Part 4/5**

Set: When Eragon and Saphira is about to return to the Varden.

Arya - Take care of him Saphira

Saphira - When did you become the boss over me, bitch? I take care of him if I feel for it or not

Eragon - ...

* * *

**Part 5/5**

Set: When Eragon and Murtagh arrives at the Varden in the movie.

Ajihad - Seize him!

Soldiers - Oh hi ha ha!

Eragon - He's with me! He saved my life!

Murtagh - _(Mumbling something to himself)_ Finally some credit

Ajihad - He's the son of Morzan. The traitor!

_(Eragon turns and looks dumbfounded at Murtagh)_

Eragon - Is it true?

Murtagh - What? I still saved your life, you ungrateful little wimp!

* * *

Yeah very nonsen I know, but that's half the point. I write a serious fiction as well called "Just Stay Strong", but it's always nice to cheer up a bit! ) 


	6. Chapter 6 How strong are dragons?

**Chapter 6 - How strong are dragons?**

**Part 1/2**

Set: First part from the movie and the second from the book This is when they leave Gil'ead.

Eragon - Hurry! They're on the roof!

Saphira - I can't! The weight is too much!

Arya - Is she calling me fat?

* * *

**Part 2/2**

Set: When Eragon, Murtagh, Saphira, Arya and the horses must cross the Ramr River.

Eragon - We have to get over the river!

Murtagh - How?

Eragon - Swim

Murtagh - Why?  
Eragon - Got a better idea?  
Murtagh - As usual - yes. You got dragon!

Eragon - Yeah and we got horses!

Murtagh - So?  
Eragon - They are too heavy!

Saphira - _Those ponies is nothing to me! I can take one at the time over the river_

Eragon - But you said it was too much when we flew away from Gil'lead!

Saphira - _Yeah, but Arya is very heavy for an elf!_

Murtagh - I go first! _(Climbs up on Saphira as if he owns the dragon)_

Eragon - It's my dragon!

Murtagh - So? I wanna get over too!

Eragon - Fine!

_(Saphira and Murtagh flies off and Eragon remain with Arya and the horses. Nervously, the rider looks behind him to see if the Empire's beasts are following)_

Clock - Tick-tack tick-tack tick-tack

_(Eragon begins crying when urgals surrounds him from everywhere when Saphira finally returns, an hour later)_

Eragon - Where have you been?!

Saphira - _Just get on! We don't have time!_

_(She grabs both horses, one in each front legs, Eragon climbs her back with Arya and then flies off)_

Saphira - _Piece of shit! This is heavy man!_

_(Finally they land on the other side where Murtagh sit on the ground eating a burger)_

Eragon - What the hell are you doing!?  
Murtagh - Eating!  
Eragon - Where have you gotten this from?  
Murtagh - McSloansMead!

Eragon - So you two have been on McSloansMead while I have been fighting for my life??  
Murtagh - What? All those urgals and soldiers did was laughing and throwing rotten tomatoes at you

Eragon - How do you know if you were here all the time!

Murtagh - Saphira told me. She's very sweet!

Eragon - But... but... she's mine... _(Lower lip tremble)_

Murtagh - Awww, poor little farm boy. Have a McFlurry

Eragon - _(Sniffle - dries tears) _Thanks

_(Silence)_

Eragon - What taste is it?  
Murtagh - Wine

Eragon - Mmm

* * *

See! Murtagh can actually be sweet too! 


	7. Chapter 7 Stupid Sword

**My seventh chapter and so far the last one. Updates whenever I get new ideas ) **

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Stupid sword**

**Part 1/3**

Set: In the movie and book when Eragon and Murtagh comes to the waterfall outside the Varden... not everything goes as it should.

Eragon - Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough! Ain't no river wide enough... _(he looks at Murtagh who walks in front of him) _TO KEEP ME FROM YOU BABE!! _(He throws himself at his fellow traveller, making Murtagh scream with fright and almost falls into the river beside them)_

Murtagh - Get off me you punk!

Eragon - What? You don't love me? After all I have done for you!?  
Murtagh - You? Done for me? Hah! And what would that be may I ask?

Eragon - I allowed you to join this cool party which include a dragon! _(Eragon nods satisfied to himself)_

Murtagh - Pfft that's just because I have an awsome scar that moves around and because I gave you wine!

Eragon - No

Murtagh - Yes, admit it!

Eragon - No!

Murtagh - So you do know I'm right!

Eragon - No!

Urgal - Waaaahhhh! _(an urgal jumps out of nowhere and attacks them. Murtagh turns to grab Zar'roc from Eragon, but Eragon wont let him)_

Eragon - Let go! It's mine!

Murtagh - You let go! We're getting squashed to sushi here!!

_(The last thing Murtagh sees before everything turns dark is Eragon waving his arms in slow motion and making faces as the urgal takes hold of his hair and presses his face in the dirt)_

* * *

**Part 2/3**

Set: Never happened in either book or movie. My imagination - continue on how things could have gone after the first part.

Eragon - Muuuuurtagh...Murtagh! MURTAGH!!! _(He keeps shaking Murtagh as if he was being electricuted, but the older boy didn't move)_

Urgal - Can you please close your mouth young rider

Eragon - ...

Saphira - _When did urgals begin saying please?_

Eragon - _Saphira! How on earth did they catch you?? I thought you were better to fly then this!_

Saphira - _Well excuse me for trying to save you..._

Eragon - _Where's Arya?_

Saphira - _I dunno_

Eragon - _You dunno?? How can you not know? She rode you!_

Saphira - _So?_

Eragon - _So?? She can't have just vanished in thin air!_

Saphira - _Why not?_

Eragon - _Because... ahhh forget it! Murtagh's dead! (Starts crying like a newborn urgal)_

Saphira - _Dead? I thought he was just unconciouss, but I may have been mistaken..._

Eragon - _... What! And you just let me sit here crying like a baby over a dude that's not even dead?_

Saphira - _Urgal-baby.. And yes. It was fun to watch_

Murtagh - _(Wakes up) _Uuhh, my head...What the hell - who are you? _(Points at Eragon)_

Eragon - What? Don't you remember me? Eragon! Your fiance!

Murtagh - Oh... not you... _(He's quiet for a second before looking at Eragon)_ I'm gonna fucking kill you!

_(The older boy throws himself at Eragon and slaps him across the cheeks over and over again)_

Murtagh - That's for not giving me the bloody sword! _(Dubble slap)_

Urgal - Give it up! That is our job! _(Urgal pulls Murtagh away from Eragon and slaps him)_

Eragon - Haha that was funny! _(Urgal slaps Eragon)_

Murtagh - Hah! That as well! _(Urgal slaps Murtagh)_

Eragon - That looks fun! Let me try! _(Slaps Murtagh across the face)_

Murtagh - How dare you! _(Slaps Eragon across the face. Eragon returns the slap and they keep slapping each other for ages)_

Urgal - Boys... Stop it!

Eragon & Murtagh - Shut up! We're busy!

Urgal - Oh... okay...Sorry. I'll be going then...

Durza - I can't believe I'm not even getting paid for this!

* * *

**Part 3/3**

Set: Galbatorix and Durza scene from the movie. Very shot.

Durza - As you feared, the dragon has hatched... not completely sure how because it's absolutely impossible to crack open the damn egg and that mere farmboy is way too lame for a dragon to pick! I guess the dragon is retarded too...

Galbatorix - To whom is not the issue, but how retarted he is, as long as he beats me I do not care

_(Silence - Shruiken sniffles the map over Alagaeasia before returning to his frog/toad meal)_

Galbatorix - When the Varden learns that the legend is real, they will be incurraged to challenge me. And I am not interested in being challenged.

Durza - Why? You can take them! You just have to believe in yourself!

Galbatorix - Yes I know, but I'm getting old and I have only frogs to serve at dinner for Shruiken and my men... No wonder Murtagh ran away. I am a bad father...

Shruiken - _Frogtoads..._

Durza - _(Ignores the dark dragon) _You're not his father...

Galbatorix - Wha-at?

Durza - Nevermind

_(Silence. Shruiken is empty of frog/toads)_

Durza - There's no one left for you to fear

Galbatorix - What about the dwarfs? They're think they can outsmart me by dressing up as humans and walk around on stilts...

Durza - Then you outsmart them

Galbatorix - How?  
Durza - I dunno. You're the king.

Galbatorix - HOW!?!?!?!

Durza - _(Screams like a scared puppy)_ U-u-h o-offer them... cookies!

Galbatorix -Cookies?  
Durza - Evil cookies

Galbatorix - Yesss! With frogs in it!

Durza - Good

Galbatorix - Couse I can't let them have hope _(comes scarely close to Durza)_ Do not let them reach the Varden

Durza - I will find the boy. And kill him before he comes a man

Galbatorix - Ah good. No haste then.


End file.
